I used to be able to smile in photographs.

I had a system down:

I'd take a whole bunch of pictures and think about how dumb it was to take them, and the smile I'd have in the last few photos would be quite genuine.

Essentially, I laughed at myself.

Because who's vain enough to want to take a picture of themselves? I guess I am.

But right now, this year, I've not been able to smile genuinely in a photograph. This sort of frightens me.

I can't stop smiling.
My roommate and I stayed up ridiculously late just talking and laughing, because neither of us could shut up. And today neither of us can stop smiling.
It's quite nice actually.

Today, was the first time is a long time that I woke up smiling. It was nice. A welcomed change.

I'm smiling as she tells me, but only on the outside. I hate it, but I'm jealous. I just can't help it. Times like this make me think none of it is worth it...

Bright blue eyes,
that big toothless grin,
the joy of a five month old
is impossible to replicate.

As we grow older,
we cannot find,
the raw power
of simplicity.

Just close your eyes,
imagine,
until the smile
takes you over.

I find it interesting to note the meaning behind diffeerent types of smiles. More specifically, I love the way he smiles at me. Each smile is different than the last, some are sarcastic, some are sweet, and some are purposely seductive. My favorite smile of all was when his teeth were broken... that was funny. I remember walking into the lobby area of the dorm and he was standing there, just got back from the hospital not too long ago. I asked him what had happened and he opened his mouth to smile and laugh before telling me the story. It took all of my will power to not laugh at him in that moment. His broken teeth were not-so-happy looking dispite his smile. A few days later, he had surgery on his mouth and got new teeth, but still, that smil will go down in history.

I smile a lot... not because I'm happy or content, but because it's just easier to look content than to display true emotion. Smiles are the natural mask for anyone with something to hide. You just smile at the world and it leaves you be. Smile at the people and they think everything is grand. Perhaps I've just been doing this for so long because it was expected of me. My family may have given me this idea that everything is always okay, and smiles portray that. It's fake, and I know that... but would you really want to see me for me?

I am smiling too much. This isn't like me. I need to stop smiling. I can't. I think, at least for a little while, I'll let myself smile.

Smile.

Spoken as a command, it's one of the most irritating things I've ever heard. How fucking patronizing.

Do something to make me smile.