It's been years since we were close, and I do still find myself missing you horribly. Usually it's not something I think of, but the thought of seeing you soon has me so atwitter that I kind of want to punch myself in the face. How have you changed in these months? What will you think of the growth I've made in my life? Do you care? I've never been able to figure that out with you.

Damnit, I miss you. Seeing you will just make it worse when I leave, but I think the time with you will be worth it. You've never failed to give me perspective, insight, and a weird sort of balance. I know you think I could find that just as easily in someone else, that there are hundreds of people on Earth like you... but they aren't you.

So thank you.

I miss claiming hotel rooms with you, the fervor in whatever we did, be it browse the IMA, stumble along the canal, or fuck. No, it wasn't making love.
I miss the things we did together. I'm not sure I miss you, anymore.
Sometimes I miss the length of your body, too.

and I miss the length of you, the thiness, the way your hipbones fit into my hands. I miss your quick smiles and your piercing eyes. I miss every goddamn thing about you.

On a bright and blustery morning, crisp and cold as is winter's way, I can put you out of my mind. With things to do and people to see, the little 'what if's and 'if only's sink down to the bottom of my sedimented mind, and ripples on the surface won't disturb the mud below.

It's the dark days, the rainy damp miserable ones when I curl up in front of my PC and while away the long dark days with nothing to distract me, those are the problem. When I start remembering and wondering, stirring the deepest mud of my mind with a boredom-stick, I remember you. I ache wondering what could have been, I torture myself reliving those last moments.

Those days, I miss you fiercely. I wish you missed me too.

Why do I miss her after only one day? I should be able to go one day without this feeling. I haven't been abandoned or left, it's just a natural space of time.

My lungs miss mary jane
freedom from the pain
Shelter from the rain...

Sing that part again.

I love you I love you I love you
Shoot me in the face
I want you I want you I want you
Slit my throat without grace
I need you I need you I need you
Stab me in the back
Gimmie gimmie gimmie
Give me heart attack....

-E,N!